Manipulation

5 Behaviors of Manipulative People is an excellent article about manipulative people. Manipulation often entails deception. The deception is practiced to elicit the desired response. The article identifies particular deceptive tactics. If you are a manipulator you can probably identify one or more which you employ. If you are at the receiving end and suffer from being manipulated then you need to identify the hows of it so that you can avoid being victimized.

The first tactic listed is "buttering you up." It may be the most effective and is difficult to recognize particularly when skillfully done. It makes people more receptive by making them feel better. Yet flattery need not involve lying. The best way to butter up another is to include truth with compliments. A manipulator will gauge responses and if positive feedback results conclude that it may be time to move on to the next step- asking for something. The author reveals coping tactics and I like the one given. Say no but before you do so return the niceties and the compliments. It diffuses the feeling that you do not wish to disappoint or engender negative feelings. If this meets with resistance then let the manipulator know you appreciate him or her even as you are rejecting the specific manupulative suggestion. If at that point the response entails argument or another negative you might wonder why the person merits your concern over his or her dsappointment when no concern is directed toward you.

Guilt is next on the list; a well known tactic. The coping mechanism suggested is interesting. It is that you ask the manipulator if that person wants you to do something or is asking because you have to do it. If the individual indicates the former it is your chance to say you do not want to do what is indicated and don't like being forced to do so.

The broken record is third on the list. How to cope? The suggestion is that you ask if the word no is understood and repetition will not change the no.

Selective memory is fourth. This involves deliberate lying but a liar will not own up to this. The author, Brett Blumenthal, suggests calling another on the convenient lapse which favors the other's objective. Be prepared for conflict or servitude on this one.

The last tactic is bullying and fight or flight, when wise, is needed for this tactic.